Back to December
by Mahone-chic-89
Summary: NHL Washington Capitals: Mathieu Perreault and Nicole Frey fell in love in Hershey, PA. But when hockey becomes Perreault's focus, their relationship falls apart. 3 years later Nicole seeks out the man she loved, and maybe still does...FULL SUMMARY INSIDE
1. Summary

**Here is the basic premise/idea of what I'm going to be working on next. I don't plan on working on this much until around mid-October but we shall see! Let me know what you think!**

**Summary/Plot:**

Nicole Frey was in college in Pennsylvania when she met the handsome, adorable Mathieu Perreault. They became best friends immediately and it wasn't long before they began dating. Soon, however, Perreault's life began to revolve around hockey. He had played the sport all through high school and had been recruited to the Hershey Bears for the past several seasons. Nicole liked the sport well enough but was never fond of how often it got in the way of their relationship. The more and more Perreault focused on hockey, the less and less he focused on Nicole. When Perreault was called up to D.C. to play for the Washington Capitals full-time (although this doesn't happen in real life we're gonna pretend…because I think he should be signed on permanently…just saying) Nicole had finally had enough. Perreault had chosen his hockey career over their relationship and without a second thought she ended everything. Heartbroken, Nicole stayed in Hershey, Pennsylvania while Perreault remained in D.C. with the Capitals. Now, three years later, Perreault is a regular on the team and has signed a six year contract. He has moved on with his life and has pretty much forgotten about Nicole…but she never forgot about him. Determined to remind Perreault of what they had, Nicole decides to head to D.C. to try and find the man she had once loved…and never truly stopped loving. But will Perreault be ready to take her back? Has too much time gone by to repair the damage that has already been done?

…

_I'm so glad you made time to see me.  
>How's life? Tell me how's your family.<br>I haven't seen them in a while.  
>You've been good, busier than ever,<br>We small talk, work and the weather,  
>Your guard is up and I know why.<br>Because the last time you saw me  
>Is still burned in the back of your mind.<br>You gave me roses and I left them there to die._

_So this is me swallowing my pride,  
>Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"<br>And I go back to December all the time.  
>It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.<br>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.  
>I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.<br>I go back to December all the time._

_These days I haven't been sleeping,  
>Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.<br>When your birthday passed and I didn't call.  
>And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,<br>I watched you laughing from the passenger side.  
>Realized that I loved you in the fall.<em>

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind  
>You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".<em>

_So this is me swallowing my pride  
>Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."<br>And I go back to December all the time.  
>It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,<br>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.  
>I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind<br>I go back to December all the time._

_I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,  
>So good to me, so right<br>And how you held me in your arms that September night -  
>The first time you ever saw me cry.<em>

_Maybe this is wishful thinking,  
>Probably mindless dreaming,<br>But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right._

_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.  
>So if the chain is on your door I understand.<em>

_But this is me swallowing my pride  
>Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."<br>And I go back to December...  
>It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,<br>Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.  
>I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.<br>I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time.  
>All the time.<em>


	2. Facing the Past

Three years…

Three long, drawn out years since they had seen one another. Nicole didn't even know if he would remember her. Her sad hazel eyes stared out the airplane window as she watched the plane quickly pull up and away from the ground, leaving Hershey, Pennsylvania and heading for Washington D.C. She had not determined yet whether or not this was the smartest or the stupidest decision of her life. She had just graduated from college and should be looking for a job but instead she was on a plane, desperate to find the one man who had ever meant anything to her…the one man she had once upon a time loved with all of her heart…and in some ways still did. That was why she was here after all right? Love…love made you do stupid things. That was what Nicole found herself doing that cold, January morning as she reminisced on the events in her past that had brought her to this point in her life…

_Nicole felt her heart skip a beat when she saw that unbelievable smile. Her friends had just introduced her to a hockey player…not just any hockey player…one who played for the AHL team: The Hershey Bears. Nicole had been to a few Bears games in the past with her friends and enjoyed hockey, but never took an obsessive interest in it like they did…but now she was starting to think she could learn to truly love the sport._

_The chemistry between Nicole and Mathieu was instant. It was literally palpable to all of their friends and before they knew what was happening, they found themselves falling hopelessly in love with one another. Nicole never missed a game Mathieu played in. She bought his jersey and wore it constantly, much to her friends' amusement. The first couple years of college flew by in a whirlwind of love, passion, and happiness for the young couple._

_As Nicole's junior year drew to a close, she and Mathieu had begun to fight. It wasn't much to begin with…minor things that got under each others' skin…but it soon developed into more serious issues. Mathieu was informed that he could find himself playing for the Washington Capitals. With that prospect in mind, he threw himself body and soul into the sport of hockey, desperate for the coveted position. Nicole supported him at first but as Mathieu's obsession with the NHL grew, their relationship became more and more strained. Mathieu began cancelling dates and events with Nicole so that he could practice at the rink more or work out at the gym or go for an extra run. _

_In October of Nicole's senior year in college Mathieu was called up to the Washington Capitals to replace an injured player. It was a temporary position, one that wouldn't last much longer than six games at the most, but it was Mathieu's first step into the NHL. After returning from an unbelievably successful six games with the Capitals, Mathieu became completely and totally obsessed with his potential future, leaving Nicole out of the process all together. In December Perreault was officially signed with the Washington Capitals and Nicole had finally had enough. Four years of the best relationship imaginable had come to an unhappy end, and with a heavy heart and full of regret, Nicole ended it with Mathieu Perreault._

_**I go back to December all the time.  
>It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.<br>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.  
>I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.<br>I go back to December all the time.  
><strong>_

_Mathieu hadn't taken the breakup well. He was infuriated with Nicole for not supporting him or being there for him when he needed her the most. Right when he was in the middle of the most important time in his life, she chose to walk away. It devastated him, but more than anything else, it infuriated the normally calm, easy-going young hockey player. He left Hershey, never looking back, and headed off to D.C. to start his new life…_

Now, three years later, Nicole was regretting the decision she had made. She mentally kicked herself for not sticking with it despite the difficulties they were going through. The first year without Mathieu she stayed single, but for the past two years she had begun dating again. After two bad relationships with men who paled in comparison to her Mathieu, she knew that she still loved him deeply and wished that he would come back to her. She had long ago deleted his number from her phone and had no way of contacting him…the only hope she had was to go to D.C. and hope to catch him at a Capitals' practice skate.

As the plane began to descend into Washington D.C. Nicole found herself trembling with anxiety. What was going to happen when he saw her again? Would he ignore her? Would he stop and talk to her? Would he yell at her and tell her to never show her face around here again? Or would he break down and wrap her in his arms and forget the past? One could only dream…

…

The next morning Nicole stood outside of the Kettler Iceplex, shivering in the chilly January air, waiting for the team to head out of the locker room. About a dozen or so fans hung around outside, despite the chilly conditions, waiting with baited breath for their heroes to emerge from the massive building on top of the tall parking garage in Arlington, Virginia.

The first player to emerge was Brooks Laich, closely followed by best friend and teammate, Mike Green. The two offered kind smiles, autographs and a few pictures with fans as they maneuvered around the crowd, trying to get to their cars.

"Excuse me?" called out Nicole as she stepped out in front of them.

Both Brooks and Mike were floored by the gorgeous brunette with the stunning, big hazel eyes standing in front of them.

"Do you know if Mathieu Perreault skated today?" she asked, biting her lower lip nervously.

Mike exchanged a glance with Brooks before he answered, "Uh, yeah…yeah he always skates. He should be out soon."

"Oh, okay…thank you," said Nicole as she quickly side-stepped out of their way.

"What the hell was that about?" muttered Mike as he and Brooks climbed into Brooks' SUV. Mike normally drove his white Lamborghini but the icy road conditions forced him to hitch a ride with his best friend.

"No clue," said Brooks with a confused look, "She didn't care about us at all…maybe we're getting too old, Mikey. Maybe the girls all go for the younger men nowadays."

Mike frowned at that, "No, it wasn't that…it was that look in her eyes. She looked scared all most. Like she didn't want to see Perreault but she had to."

Brooks pondered over that for a moment, "Think she's an ex?"

"Think she's _the_ ex?" asked Mike, his eyes wide as he contemplated that idea. It was plausible. Perreault had told them a story about a girl he had loved, the only girl he had loved, and he had described her as an unbelievable beauty with gorgeous, heart-stopping eyes. That matched the description of the girl they had just run into.

"Text Perreault," said Brooks as they pulled away from Kettler, "Tell him a pretty brunette is looking for him outside. We'll ask him later if it's her."

Mike nodded as he pulled out his iphone and began typing away.

…

Perreault raised an eyebrow as he glanced down at his phone. He had just finished showering and cleaning his gear when he got the text from Mike. Why were they telling him about a brunette? There were always girls outside of Kettler after practice…what was so special about this one that made Mike feel like he needed to tell him about her?

He shrugged as he put the phone in his pocket and headed out of the locker room. He threw on his winter coat and stepped out into the frigid morning air. A few fans began saying his name and begging for autographs, but their pleas fell on deaf ears.

Mathieu Perreault's attention was elsewhere. His eyes were opened wide and his mouth gaped in shock as he tried to comprehend what was happening.

It was _her_…

…

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	3. Things Are Gonna Get Interesting

**So this preseason pretty much sucks…I don't know about you guys but I'm ready to see our "normal" lines back on the ice again. Not too impressed with these annoying little wannabe Capitals. I want them to sign Perreault! Gah! Anyway, enough venting…enjoy the chapter! Its extra long : ) **

Everything else faded away instantly for Mathieu Perreault. He was in shock…utter and complete shock…as he stared at the woman he thought he would never see again. He felt a sudden rush of pain and anger overwhelm him as memories raced through his mind as he stared at her. What was she doing here? What the hell did she want? Hadn't she ruined his life enough?

"Mathieu," breathed Nicole, barely able to form words in front of the man she loved.

Perreault shook his head slowly, partly in disbelief and partly in denial of what was happening. She couldn't be here…there was no way. It just didn't make any sense.

Nicole saw the confusion and shock on Mathieu's face and took a step toward him. She reached out and touched his arm, causing him to flinch, almost as if he had been electrocuted by her touch. Nicole pulled away quickly, suddenly unsure of what she was doing. This was a mistake...but she had realized it too late. She had always been able to read Mathieu like an open book and right now…he was anything but happy to see her.

Before Nicole could even think about turning around and running away, Mathieu reached out and grabbed her arm. The fans looked on in confusion as Mathieu pulled Nicole back inside the building and closed the door behind them. He turned her around, forcing her to look him in the eyes.

"What…the hell…are you…doing here?" he asked, his voice hard with anger but his eyes moist and pained with anguish as he stared at the woman he had once loved with everything he'd had.

Nicole swallowed nervously, suddenly finding it hard to form words, "I…I came to say I'm sorry," she said quickly, before she lost her nerve, "I wanted to apologize…for everything."

Mathieu sneered openly at that as he stepped away from Nicole, "Apologize? You came all the way to D.C. to apologize? After three years…three _years_ later and you think coming here and saying sorry will erase everything?"

Nicole flinched under Mathieu's hard, accusing stare as he gave her a disgusted look. She hadn't known what to expect when he saw her again, but she definitely wasn't prepared for just how angry he really would be. Part of her had been hoping he would have healed by now…that he wouldn't be so upset about what had happened…that he had been able to move on with his life, but clearly that was not the case. He was still just as angry and hurt as he was that awful night in December when she told him she couldn't do it anymore…the night she walked away from the only man who had ever meant anything to her.

"I…I know you're upset," stammered Nicole nervously.

Mathieu let out a short, harsh laugh, "Upset! HA! That doesn't even _begin_ to cover it! You left me! You left me when I needed you…more than anyone else in this damn world…and you left! And now you're here expecting me to forgive you and let you just run right back to me or something? What the hell, Nicole? What the hell?"

"No!" said Nicole quickly as Mathieu turned around to walk away, "No, I didn't expect you to forgive me that easily…I know it'll take time for us to both…"

"Take time? Who the hell says I _want_ you to even be here right now?" snarled Mathieu as he began to pace back and forth, "Who the hell says I want you anywhere near me?"

"Mattie…" said Nicole, her voice quivering with emotion as she watched the rush of emotions flicker across Perreault's face.

"Don't call me that," snapped Mathieu as he gave her a harsh look, "Don't…"

Nicole bit her lower lip, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks, "I'm sorry," she whispered, not sure what else to say, "I'm so sorry for what I did to you…"

"Don't…just don't," said Mathieu, his eyes moist with emotion as he backed away from her, "Just…leave me alone…please," he said as he turned and left the building, skirted around the crowd of concerned-looking fans, and made a bee-line for his car, leaving Nicole standing inside the Kettler Iceplex, her heart breaking all over again…

…

Nicole ran into the women's restroom inside Kettler and closed the door behind her. She glanced around to make sure she was alone and then let the tears fall. She sobbed quietly by herself in the bathroom until she couldn't cry anymore. She looked up in the mirror and groaned when she saw how red and puffy her eyes were. She turned on the faucet and splashed some cold water onto her face, washing away the tears while she took a few deep, steadying breaths and tried to think clearly.

Mathieu clearly had not been happy to see her. How stupid could she have been? How stupid of her to think he would actually be willing to hear her out. She had waited three years to figure out what she really wanted in her life and now it was too late. What was she supposed to do now?

The very thought of that question chilled Nicole. What now? Where did this leave her? She didn't want to leave Mathieu like this…not again. She wanted to let him cool off maybe, then see if he wanted to talk. But what would she do until then? She hadn't really planned this out, at least not aside from purchasing the plane tickets. She would have to get a job, find somewhere to stay, then go from there. It was all so overwhelming she wasn't sure where to even start, but standing in the women's restroom of the Kettler Iceplex staring at her own reflection in the mirror wouldn't do her any good. With a sigh she squared her shoulders and walked back out of the restroom.

Right outside the bathrooms there was a large corkboard with advertisements posted all over it. She paused for a moment and glanced through the ads. Her eyes grew wide with surprise when she saw that the Kettler Iceplex was looking for someone to work in the Capitals gift shop. Immediately the wheels in Nicole's head began turning. If she worked here, she would still be close to Mathieu but not close enough to get on his nerves…maybe even make friends with his teammates, prove to him that she was serious about her apology and that she wanted to make things right…just maybe, maybe it would work.

Nicole took the flyer off of the corkboard and walked up to the front desk, "Hello," she said, forcing herself to look happy and confident as she slid the ad over to the woman, "I'd like to apply for this."

The woman offered Nicole a kind smile and pulled a form out from one of the drawers and slipped it over to her, "There you go…fill everything out except for those last two lines."

"Okay…when will I know if I get the job?" asked Nicole as she began filling out the paperwork.

"How does now work for you?" asked the woman as she gave Nicole a questioning look.

Nicole's eyes grew wide with surprise at that, "Oh…now? Really? But…don't you have to go through the other applicants and…"

"No," interrupted the woman, "I'm in charge of hiring for the store and the little eatery we have over there. No one's applied for this position and it's been advertised for over a week. We really need someone to work in the store full time…if you're interested. If you'd prefer a part time position…"

"No that's perfect!" exclaimed Nicole happily, "I can start right away!"

The woman smiled at Nicole's enthusiasm, "Wonderful! I'll file this paperwork away and you go ahead and get started. The dress code here is red…wear red all the time and you'll be fine."

"I think I can manage that," said Nicole as she gave the woman a parting smile before slipping into the Kettler Iceplex gift shop, her heart soaring with hope…

…

The next morning Nicole arrived at Kettler an hour early for work. She wanted to make a good impression on her first official day on the job. She began by rearranging the shelves with all the players t-shirts, organizing them by name and size. She paused when she got to Perreault's, her heart skipping a beat just looking at his name on the back of the stack of t-shirts.

Just then, the bell at the front door chimed, signaling that someone had walked into the store. Nicole turned around quickly to see who it was, mentally pushing thoughts of Mathieu to the back of her mind for the time being. She raised an eyebrow in surprise when she saw a cute, young, athletic-looking man stroll confidently into the room. He made eye-contact with her and his eyes lit up as he gave her a head to toe glance, causing Nicole to blush.

"Can I help you?" she asked as he approached her.

"I think you might be able to," said the young man suggestively, making Nicole blush even more, "I need to get some new gloves for personal use. My old ones are getting…well…old."

Nicole smiled as she turned and led the young man to the back of the store where they kept the hockey equipment. He thanked her as he began to browse through the shelves.

"So," he said after a moment, "You're new aren't you? I've never seen you around before…and I think I would remember if I did."

Nicole smirked at his shameless attempt at flirting with her, "Yeah I'm new…today's my first real day here. I started yesterday afternoon."

The man nodded slightly as he glanced at her again, "What brings you here? You live around here?"

Nicole shook her head, "No, I live near Hershey, Pennsylvania. I…needed a change."

The man nodded as if he understood exactly what she meant, "Ah, I gotcha. So you like it so far?"

"Yeah…it's nice," said Nicole, trying desperately to avoid this line of questioning. The last thing she wanted was to tell the whole world the real reason she was here, "So what about you?"

The man raised an eyebrow at that, clearly surprised that she didn't know who he was, "Me?"

Nicole nodded, trying to figure out why he was reacting this way. Should she know who he was?

"I'm John Carlson," said the man with a smirk of amusement, "I'm on the Capitals team…I'm a defenseman."

Nicole's eyes widened in surprise, "Oh, I'm so sorry…I'm not really that familiar with the Capitals yet."

"And yet here you are, working in our gift shop," said Carlson with a light, easy-going laugh, "Interesting."

Just then, Mike Green poked his head into the shop, "Yo! Johnnie! Dude what the hell are you doing? Get your ass out here now! Boudreau's gonna kills us if we're late…again."

Carlson winced as he glanced down at his watch, realizing what time it was, "Crap…I lost track of time Green, sorry," he said as he turned back to Nicole, "I'll be back for those gloves," he said with a wink.

Mike raised an eyebrow in surprise when he recognized the girl from practice yesterday. What in the world was she doing in the Kettler store? And why was John Carlson flirting with her?

"What's she doing in there?" asked Mike as he and Carlson began to walk quickly toward the locker room.

Carlson gave Mike a confused look, "She works there now…why?"

Mike's eyes grew round with surprise at that. Perreault's female was working in the Kettler store? Oh that was definitely interesting. What in the world was she doing there? Perreault had showed up at the gym yesterday afternoon in an awful mood. When Mike and Brooks asked what was wrong he had told them that the girl they texted him about was actually his ex-girlfriend. He wouldn't say much about it aside from the fact that it pissed him off. Perreault was going to flip when he learned she was working at Kettler now…and that Carlson was flirting with her.

Yes life was certainly about to get interesting at the Washington Capitals Kettler Iceplex…

…

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	4. Shaving Cream Pies and a Wino

**So I was in the mood to write a funnier chapter since this story is (and will be) very dramatic, intense and sorta angsty. I think you guys will like this one : ) Little bit of language in this one…I always forget to warn everyone, but yeah there is some cursing so I apologize if it offends anyone! You've been warned! : ) Enjoy!**

Mathieu Perreault walked into the Kettler Iceplex and made a bee-line for the locker room. Most of the team was already there, joking around and laughing as they suited up for the morning skate. Ovechkin was whispering to Semin in Russian and the two of them kept looking at goalie Michael Neuvirth, their eyes sparkling with child-like mischief as they giggled to one another. Mike Knuble was giving them suspicious glances as he waited to see what antics would ensue this time, while Brooks Laich was leaning close to a very nervous and excited-looking Mike Green. The two best friends were whispering, more like gossiping knowing the two of them, both looking very serious and so absorbed in what they were saying that they didn't even see Mathieu walk in.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" hissed Brooks as he gave Mike a stunned look, "The girl's Perreault's ex…_the_ ex and she's working at the gift store? What the hell does she think she's doing?"

"I don't know," whispered Mike, glancing warily over to where Perreault was hanging up his gear bag, "I think she thinks it'll keep her close to him…maybe try and get him back? Who know, she's a female…they're all complicated and weird. The point is that she's here and Mathieu doesn't know about it…and there's more: I definitely caught Johnnie flirting with her this morning."

Brooks raised an eyebrow at that, "Does Johnnie know who she is?"

Mike shook his head, "No, but…he was definitely into her, you know? Dude, Mathieu's gonna flip out when he finds all this out."

Brooks gave Mike a warning glare, "Don't you dare say a word about any of this. Stay out of it, Mike. I know you like your drama, but this isn't our business. Don't get involved…let things play out on their own."

Mike rolled his eyes in exasperation at that, "Whatever…so do we just let Johnnie keep flirting with her or do we tell him who she is?"

Brooks gave Mike an annoyed look as he began to lace up his skates, "What part about stay out of it don't you understand?"

Mike glowered, "Fine…fine," he said, putting his hands up in mock surrender, "I'll stay out of it."

Brooks gave him a disbelieving look as he finished lacing up his skates, "Hurry up and get dressed…Boudreau wants us out there in five minutes."

Mike rolled his eyes again at his gung-ho best friend…always the over-achiever, type A, OCD, annoyingly early to everything hockey player. He muttered something about Brooks being a stick in the mud as he finished lacing up his skates and took to the ice.

The second Mike left the locker room, Ovechkin and Semin pounced on the unsuspecting Michael Neuvirth. With wild battle cries, the two best friends smashed shaving cream pies in Neuvirth's face, causing the young goaltender to let out a litany of explicatives. The two Russians laughed hysterically as they ran out of the locker room and escaped to the safety of the ice, leaving Neuvirth to clean up the mess by himself.

Perreault smirked a little at the antics of his teammates and walked over to help Neuvirth wipe shaving cream out of his eyes.

"Thanks," muttered Neuvirth in an annoyed tone as Perreault offered him a clean towel.

"What the hell happened in here?" asked Carlson as he sauntered casually into the locker room.

"Where the hell have you been?" asked Perreault, glancing at the very-casually dressed John Carlson.

Carlson shrugged, "I went to the store to pick up some gloves, then made some phone calls, got a drink. You know…chilled."

Perreault rolled his eyes, "Boudreau's gonna kill you one of these days. You and Green both."

"Is Mike here?" asked Carlson in surprise.

"He's already on the ice," said Perreault with an amused look, "For once he's not the last one out there. Better get your ass out there now before Coach comes in."

Carlson muttered something under his breath as he hurriedly began to strap on his pads, "So the new girl is hot."

Mathieu Perreault raised an eyebrow at that as he finished helping Neuvirth, "What new girl?"

"Dude you haven't seen her yet? The chick at the gift shop…she's hot as hell," said Carlson with an appreciative sigh, "I think I may have to get my flirt on some more…try and convince her I'm the man of her dreams…take her to dinner, schmooze her, you know…the usual."

"You're a manwhore," grumbled Neuvirth as he wiped shaving cream off of his jersey.

"You're just in a pissy mood because you got pied," retorted Carlson with a laugh, "Who got you? The Russians?"

"Who else?" sneered Neuvirth as he flipped Carlson the bird, making the young defenseman laugh louder.

"But serious," said Carlson, turning to Perreault, "You gotta check her out man…she's gorgeous."

Perreault smiled a little at that. He and Carlson had been teammates back in Hershey, Pennsylvania when they both played for the Bears. Carlson had got called up to the Capitals two years before Mathieu did and it had been quite the reunion when Mathieu was finally signed on to the team. They were best friends and were practically inseparable, so much so they even rivaled the Ovechkin-Semin friendship and the Brooks-Green bromance. They also shared a similar taste in women. Back in the day, before Nicole, the two players had often dated the same girls. There was never any jealousy between the two and things had been so simple back then. Perreault almost wished he could go back to those days.

"I'll check her out after practice," said Perreault as he slapped his friend on the back, "I'll meet you on the ice."

Carlson gave Perreault a disbelieving look, "You're gonna leave me here alone?"

Neuvirth muttered something about Carlson being a lazy-ass under his breath as he hit the ice, making Perreault chuckle in amusement.

"I'm not getting caught in here when Boudreau comes in!" laughed Perreault as he turned to head out onto the ice, "You're on your own this time, buddy!"

Carlson flipped Perreault the bird while he tried desperately to lace up his skates before Coach Bruce Boudreau made his entrance…

…

"You guys here about the new girl?" asked Mathieu as he skated up to Brooks and Mike during their warm-up drills.

Mike's eyes grew wide with surprise as he exchanged a nervous glance with Brooks. Brooks gave Mike a hard, warning stare before he calmly replied to Mathieu.

"I heard there was a new girl working the store now…why?"

Perreault shrugged, "I dunno…Johnnie said something about a hot girl in the gift shop. He made it sound like she's a big deal or something."

Mike looked pale as he gritted his teeth nervously. Brooks gave his best friend an annoyed glance. Why couldn't he at least pretend to have a poker face?

"I don't know, man," said Brooks with a lighthearted laugh, "You know me…I focus on hockey not women."

Perreault smirked, "True…Johnnie's a manwhore. Speaking of manwhore, what's eating you Mike? You look like you just committed a crime."

"Uh, nothing," said Mike quickly and not convincingly, "I'm just…uh…I don't know."

"He's half intoxicated," said Brooks with an annoyed look, "That's what he gets for drinking wine in the morning…right Mike?" he added, glaring daggers at his best friend.

"Uh, yeah…yeah wine, yeah," stammered Mike.

Perreault raised an eyebrow as he glanced over at Mike, "Dude, wine? Really? Wine's lame enough…but at seven in the morning?"

"Gotta do what you gotta do," said Mike with a shrug, forcing a laugh.

"You're crazy," said Perreault, shaking his head in disbelief, "Anyway, I think I may stop by the store after practice, see what all the hype is about, you know? You guys are welcome to join."

Brooks was convinced Mike was about to pass out at that point so he jumped in for him…again.

"We're gonna go grab some food right after," he said with a kind, carefree smile, "Mike's gotta get something on his stomach and sober up or he'll be passed out at the game tonight."

Perreault nodded, "Yeah, seriously Mike…if you look this shitty at the game tonight we're screwed."

Mike forced a laugh as Coach Boudreau called Perreault down to the other side of the ice. He breathed a sigh of relief once Perreault was occupied with running two on one drills with Backstrom and Ovechkin.

"Could you be any more obvious?" hissed Brooks, rolling his eyes, "You suck at acting, you know that?"

"That's why I'm a hockey player…not an actor," snapped Mike, "And wine? Wine? Really? That's the best you could come up with?"

"Well it's not like you were doing anything to rectify the situation!" retorted Brooks.

"Ladies!" shouted Boudreau, glaring at Mike and Brooks, "Sometime today when you're done gossiping I need you to work on some passing drills!"

Mike and Brooks muttered their apologies as they skated down the ice and began working on their drills, both of them silently wondering what would happen once Perreault figured out who the girl in the gift store actually was…

…

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	5. Bad Life Choices

**Sorry for the long wait…school was crazy this past week. Hope you enjoy the update!**

Practice ended a few minutes earlier than usual and the guys went back to the locker room to change and shower off. Brooks and Mike kept glancing at each other nervously as they kept one eye on Mathieu Perreault. He had mentioned going to check out who the new girl working the store was once practice was over. They all had John Carlson to thank for that. The crazy, ego-centric young defenseman couldn't stop talking about how hot she was and how he was going to go about seducing the poor thing. Little did he know that the new girl was really Perreault's ex-girlfriend, and Brooks and Mike did not want to be around when Perreault discovered this little fact.

"Let's go," hissed Brooks as he gave his best friend an annoyed look, "Fix your freaking fohawk later you idiot! Mathieu's almost done getting dressed!"

Mike gave Brooks a harsh glare as he fixed the last few strands of his fohawk and then grabbed his bag, making a bee-line for the door. John Carlson raised an eyebrow as he watched the two best friends book it out of the locker room.

"Wow, who lit a fire under their asses?" he asked with a sneer, "Hey, Mattie, you goin' to check out the female?"

Perreault rolled his eyes at Carlson, "Dude did you forget her name already?"

Carlson's eyes twinkled mischievously as he shrugged, "Who cares what her name is? She's hot and all alone in the gift shop and I want to make her mine."

"You really are a whore," smirked Perreault as he tossed his towel in Carlson's face.

Carlson laughed as he and Perreault made their way out of the locker room and headed toward the front of the Kettler Iceplex…

…

Nicole was finishing up organizing the inventory when she heard the bell above the shop door chime. She turned around, forcing a smile despite her inner turmoil, and faced the customers. What she saw when she turned around made her heart skip a beat. She couldn't help but gasp a little in surprise, her heart racing as she and Mathieu made eye-contact for the second time in two days.

Perreault froze, his mouth gaping in shock while his heart sunk with dread. The girl who had broken his heart was standing in the Kettler gift store. Certainly this wasn't the girl Carlson had been running his mouth about and flirting with. Mathieu found himself praying desperately that some other girl would come out of the back of the store, but when he watched as Carlson sauntered confidently up to Nicole and gave her a wink, he knew this was the girl Carlson had been talking about.

"Hey there cutie," cooed Carlson seductively as he slid past Nicole, being sure to brush up against her as he made his way to the back of the store, "I told you I'd come back for those gloves."

Nicole opened her mouth to reply but she was too stunned to form words. Carlson glanced back over at her as he picked up a pair of gloves off the shelf and gave her a confused look. He noticed that the new girl couldn't seem to take her eyes off of Perreault and a twang of jealousy caused him to grit his teeth a little. Figures…the hot chick would find Perreault attractive.

"I see Mathieu makes quite the first impression," he said curtly, "That's Mathieu Perreault…my teammate and best friend."

"Uh, yeah," muttered Nicole, forcing herself to look away from Perreault, "We…we've met."

Carlson glanced up at that, his interest instantly peeked, "Oh? When? I thought you just started working here?"

Perreault gritted his teeth as he tore his eyes away from the woman he once loved, "We met a long time ago," he said coldly, "But that was a long, long time ago…things change."

Carlson noted the hurt look that appeared in Nicole's eyes. It was almost as if Perreault had reached out and struck her. She bit her lower lip hard, clearly trying to fight back tears as she stared at the ground in front of her. Perreault stood stiffly on the other side of the store, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere in the world other than the Kettler gift shop.

"Oh…okay," said Carlson, not really sure what to say to that, "Well, then no need for introductions. Um, I'll take this pair if you don't mind."

Nicole nodded, keeping her head down as she made her way over to the cash register. Carlson gave Perreault a questioning look but his best friend just shook his head curtly, clearly indicating that he didn't feel like talking about it. Carlson just shrugged as he pulled out his wallet and paid for the gloves. He slipped the bills over to Nicole, handing her a piece of paper along with the money. Nicole glanced up at Carlson and gave him a confused look, but the young defenseman just winked at her as he grabbed his gloves and headed for the door.

Mathieu and Nicole made eye contact once again as he reached for the door handle. Nicole looked away as she felt her throat constrict with emotion. Perreault's face was tense with anger and a deep sadness that he hadn't allowed himself to feel in a very long time. Seeing her here was just too much. He would have to avoid the gift store like the plague now. He just wasn't ready to face her again…it brought back way too much pain…too many memories…too much hurt and sadness and a deep longing for what once was, but could never possibly be again. It made him sick to his stomach just thinking about what they had had together. He shook his head angrily as he practically ran out of the store, suddenly desperate for fresh air and needing to be as far away from Kettler as humanly possible…

…

Nicole let the tears come once Carlson and Perreault were long gone. She stifled a sob just long enough to look down at the piece of paper that Carlson had handed to her. She gazed at it in surprise when she saw that it was his number. That boy was so forward it was ridiculous.

But something about his easy-going smile, pretty eyes and charm made her want to be around him more. And after all, it wasn't like Mathieu wanted anything to do with her anymore. She bit her lower lip as she plugged the number into her cell. She knew what she was doing was stupid…no, way beyond stupid. It was bordering on childish, immature, and possibly one of the worst decisions she had ever made, but she didn't really care at that point.

Mathieu didn't even want to see her much less talk to her…maybe if she started talking to someone else he'd pay more attention to her. Or…maybe this young, cute John Carlson would make her forget everything about Mathieu. Somehow she seriously doubted that was even possible, but it was worth a shot. Just the thought of being free from this constant, nagging pain was exhilarating. Maybe hanging out with someone else for awhile would cheer her up…make her see that she still had it…that she could still turn heads and go out with a nice guy.

She hesitated for another moment before she flipped open her phone and sent a text to John Carlson…

_Hey, it's Nicole…you busy tonight?_

…

John Carlson smiled a confident little arrogant smile as he and Perreault sat at the Green Turtle in downtown D.C. eating lunch. He glanced up at Mathieu and considered telling him that the girl asked him if he was busy later, but after seeing the way those two had reacted to seeing one another he figured it would be better to keep this quiet for now. He had a feeling Mathieu and Nicole had a past…but it was the past, right? Meaning they weren't dating and clearly weren't going to be dating again anytime soon…so why not? He typed out a quick response:

_Not really actually…want me to pick you up? Hit the town? ;)_

John Carlson smiled a little to himself. He had yet to find a girl who refused him…including the stunning Nicole Frey. Ah yes…tonight was going to be fun. He had to brag about it to someone, but he couldn't tell Mathieu. Thinking quickly, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to his mentor and fellow defenseman, Mike Green.

_Dude chic at the store…gave her my #...and now she's goin out with me tonight! Hell yeah!_

…

Mike Green spewed his beer all over the floor of Brooks Laich's apartment as he read the text message he had just received from John Carlson.

"MIKE!" shouted Brooks as he leapt up off the couch, his eyes flashing with anger, "What the hell, man?"

Mike's eyes were wide with shock as he looked up at Brooks, "No, dude, Carlson's going out with the gift store girl! Perreault's female!"

Now it was Brooks' turn to look stunned, "What? No way! How? Why?"

"No clue," said Mike as he quickly typed out a message.

_Mike: Dude…did you tell Perreault?_

_John: No way…he and Nicole have a past I think…nah I'm keepin' this to myself for now haha_

_Mike: you're an idiot…Perreault's gonna kill you_

_John: shouldn't have let a hottie like that go…his loss my gain_

_Mike: dude it's your best friend! What the hell man? Don't be stupid._

_John: Chill! It's just a date…no big deal_

_Mike: if you say so…but when Perreault comes after you, don't go hiding behind me!_

"What's he saying?" demanded Brooks after a few minutes, his blue eyes flashing with a mixture of disbelief and anger.

"He says he's not telling Mathieu because he knows they have a past," said Mike, shaking his head in disbelief, "And he's getting mad at me for telling him this is wrong."

"The kid's an asshole," sneered Brooks in disgust, "How can he do this to his best friend? I swear Mike I'd kill you if you did that shit to me!"

Mike shook his head, "Trust me…I know. The kid has no idea what he's getting himself into. Perreault's gonna kill him."

"Well we're not telling him anything," snapped Brooks, "It's bad enough we know anything at all…we can't get involved. Don't be stupid, Mike, stay out of it."

"So we don't tell Perreault? We let the kid go out with the girl?" asked Mike, looking confused.

"Yes, Mike that would be the definition of _staying out of it!_" said Brooks as he rolled his eyes and sighed, "Shit this sucks…let's just pray Perreault never hears about this."

"And that Carlson isn't stupid enough to brag to anyone else about it," muttered Mike, looking anxious.

"Fat chance on that," growled Brooks, "He'll tell the whole damn locker room tomorrow, the moron."

Mike sighed as he collapsed on the sofa next to Brooks, "Tomorrow's game is gonna suck isn't it?"

Brooks nodded, "Yep…especially if Boudreau puts both of them on the same line."

"Shit…he is," said Mike, "That's how practice went…and that's what Coach said earlier…he likes them on the same line, just like he likes us on the same line. Crap."

Brooks shook his head, "Well…we're all screwed then. Brace yourself…tomorrow I have a feeling things are gonna get ugly…"

…

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	6. Headstrong

**Might be my last update for a bit…I'm going on break and will be out of town for most of it, but I'll work on new updates hopefully near the end of next week! Enjoy!**

The Capitals gathered in the locker room for the big game against their long-time rivals, the Pittsburgh Penguins, the next evening. The locker room was buzzing with a mixture of anxiety and excitement as the players talked amongst themselves, pumping each other up for the game.

While most of the team had already arrived, John Carlson sauntered in, a good thirty minutes late, with an arrogant smirk on his face. The rest of the team snickered, rolled their eyes or quietly cursed the cocky rookie as he took his place and began to put on his gear.

Mike Green gave the kid a disgruntled look, "Okay even _I'm_ not _that _bad…least I'm only like ten minutes late."

Brooks rolled his eyes at Mike, "Being late period isn't acceptable, but yeah…least you aren't as bad as that punk."

Mike muttered something under his breath and received a towel-whip from Brooks in retaliation.

"What's the kid smiling about?" asked Mike Knuble, one of the team's veterans as he sauntered over to Mike and Brooks

Mike Green and Brooks Laich exchanged a knowing look before Brooks replied, "Don't know…why don't you ask him?"

Knuble narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the two best friends, "Uh huh, sure you don't know," he said, clearly unconvinced by their charade.

"Hit the ice! Let's go!" ordered Coach Boudreau as he walked into the locker room, "Warm ups are starting, let's go! Now!"

The team lined up near the end of the locker room that led out to the Verizon Center ice. Mathieu Perreault nudged John Carlson, urging his friend to hurry up with his skates and get in line. Carlson hopped over on one foot and stood behind Perreault in line while he finished tying his last skate.

"So what's with the cocky-ass smile, Johnnie?" asked Andrew Gordon, Carlson and Perreault's former Hershey Bears' teammate and current Washington Capital's teammate.

Carlson's grin just got wider as he glanced back at Gordon, "Went out with that hot chick from the store last night…Nicole."

Carlson hadn't realized what he had just said out loud until it was too late. He glanced hesitantly over at Perreault, praying he hadn't heard…but he had. Mathieu's mouth hung open in shock as he tried to absorb what his best friend had just said.

"What…what the hell did you just…?"

"LET'S GO BOYS!" screamed Alex Ovechkin from the front of the line as he charged out onto the ice.

Perreault didn't have time to finish asking his question as the team was forced out onto the ice in a whirlwind of music, lights and screaming fans. Mathieu was swept up with the rest of the team and took to the ice, his mind only half paying attention to the warm-up drills as he glared across the rink at where John Carlson was stretching out with Alex Semin. He mouthed "I'm sorry" to Perreault and gave him a pleading look. Mathieu just sneered openly at that and turned his back on Carlson.

How could he do this to him? It had been so obvious the other day that he and Nicole had had a past and that it still bothered them both. How could his best friend go out with her? And how could _she_ go out with _him_? Wasn't the whole reason she was here in D.C. was to try and win him back? Well this was definitely the wrong way to go about convincing Perreault that she had changed and that she was ready to try again…and it was the single stupidest mistake Carlson had ever made in his life.

Perreault continued to stew over this new development as warm-ups drew to a close and the starting lineup took to the ice. He glared down the bench at Carlson who was suddenly looking nervous and antsy rather than cocky and confident.

_Circling your, circling your, circling your head,  
>Contemplating everything you ever said<br>Now I see the truth, I got doubt  
>A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out<br>See you later  
>I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold<br>See inside, inside of our heads (yeah)  
>Well now that's over<br>I see your motives inside, decisions to hide_

"Dude…he knows," hissed Mike Green as he and Brooks took to the ice for the first faceoff.

"What?" snapped Brooks, giving Mike an accusing glare, "You told him didn't you! Mike you idiot I told you…"

"What the hell? I didn't say a damn thing!" said Mike defensively, "No I think Carlson ran his mouth…look at Perreault…he looks like he's gonna kill him!"

Brooks glanced back over at the bench and sure enough Mathieu Perreault was glaring daggers at a very nervous-looking John Carlson. Brooks cursed under his breath, "This isn't good."

"Let's go!" shouted the referee as he headed to the face-off circle.

Brooks cast one last anxious glance over at Mike before he took his place at the circle and the puck dropped…

…

About seven minutes into the game, Perreault and Carlson's line took to the ice. Mike and Brooks sat down at the bench, muttering anxiously to one another as they watched Perreault approach the faceoff dot. He was waved off by the referee and Mike Knuble skated up to take Perreault's place. Mathieu slid in next to Carlson and leaned in to him.

"You asshole," he hissed, seething with rage, "How could you do that to me?"

"I…I didn't think it'd be a problem," stammered Carlson, his voice high-pitched with fear, "I thought you two…whatever happened…was over."

"So you think that means it's okay for you to just swoop in and do that shit to me?" growled Mathieu as he shoved Carlson with his shoulder a little.

"Dude, you two aren't dating!" argued Carlson, starting to become defensive, "So what's it matter?"

"Screw you Carlson," snarled Mathieu, his rage reaching boiling point.

"No!" said Carlson in protest, "No, you know what, _you _go screw yourself! This is stupid! She's single, I'm single, so we went out…so what?"

_Back off I'll take you on  
>Headstrong to take on anyone<br>I know that you are wrong  
>Headstrong we're headstrong<br>Back off I'll take you on  
>Headstrong to take on anyone<br>I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong!_

The second the puck hit the ice, Mathieu lunged at Carlson, knocking him down to the ice. Instantly the play on the ice stopped. The Capitals sitting on the bench all stood up in disbelief as they watched the scene unfolding in front of them. The Penguins team looked utterly baffled by the whole thing and glanced around awkwardly as they waited to see what would happen.

Perreault began punching Carlson and knocked his helmet off of his head. Carlson slithered out from underneath Perreault and got back on his feet. He spat out blood onto the ice and wiped his bloody lip as the two best friends began circling one another, waiting for someone to throw the next strike.

"You're being ridiculous!" shouted Carlson, "This is insane!"

"You're an asshole!" roared Perreault, "You're a worthless, piece of shit, sorry excuse for a friend! How the hell could you do that to me?"

The anger and pain in Perreault's voice caused everyone on the ice to glance around in confusion. What in the world had precipitated this? What had Carlson done to Perreault to make the guy this angry?

"Why didn't you tell me about her?" retorted Carlson, "Why didn't you say anything? You still like her don't you? That's what this is about!"

Perreault froze at that, a flicker of sadness crossing his features before he brushed it aside, but Carlson had seen the expression on his best friend's face.

"Holy shit…you love her don't you?" he asked quietly, lowering his fists.

Perreault clenched his jaw tightly and looked away from Carlson, unable to reply. His best friend had figured it out…his well-kept, closely guarded secret…he was still in love with Nicole. As much as he hated to even admit it to himself, it was true. He loved her, but he couldn't forgive her for what she had done to him. Everything was just so screwed up and complicated and confusing he didn't know how to feel, but deep down his love for her was still there…and part of him knew that no matter what happened it always would be.

"It doesn't matter anymore," he said dejectedly, "It's over…do what you want with her, John…just…don't tell me about it, okay?"

Carlson opened his mouth in surprise, but couldn't form words for a moment, "But…but, Mathieu…dude…"

"Perreault five minutes for fighting!" shouted the very perplexed-looking referee, "Carlson, five minutes for fighting. Gloves were dropped, so that's an immediate expulsion from the game for both of you."

Coach Boudreau cursed loudly as Perreault and Carlson skated back to the bench and made their way down the tunnel and back into the locker room, leaving their teammates and adversaries in complete and utter disbelief…

_Conclusions manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best  
>I see you're full of shit, and that's alright<br>That's how you play, I guess you'll get through every night  
>Well now that's over<br>I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold  
>See inside, inside of our heads (yeah)<br>Well now that's over  
>I see your motives inside, decisions to hide<em>

…

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	7. When He Holds You Close

**Okay I lied…here's another update : ) lol this should make up for my absence from fanfic for awhile! **

Late the next evening, Nicole finished up the last of the inventory and began to rearrange some of the jerseys and t-shirts on the shelves. The morning rush of crazed fans, eager to see their favorite players and buy their gear, made quite an impact on the little gift shop. Nicole found herself cleaning and organizing most of the evening and finally began to lock up the store. She closed the door with a sigh and closed her eyes for a moment. She was beyond exhausted…emotionally and physically. She groaned a little as she reflected on her date with John Carlson the other night…

_He swung by her apartment and picked her up in his jeep, an arrogant little smile on his boyish face as he escorted her to the jeep. They had gone to the Legal Seafoods restaurant downtown on 7__th__ street, not far from the Verizon Center. They had a good time, talking, laughing and just being themselves. Nicole found the young Capitals defenseman attractive, charming and easy to talk to. For the first time in a long time she had felt comfortable and happy again. Toward the end of the evening, Carlson had driven back to her apartment and parked the jeep out front. They had gone inside and she showed him around her humble little abode. _

_He picked on her for her meager and humble accommodations and the flirting escalated the longer they were alone. He leaned in close at one point and Nicole knew that he wanted to kiss her…and part of him had wanted him to…but the other part of her, the part that still loved Mathieu, had won out. She pulled away just in time and apologized. Carlson had been a gentleman about it and apologized for pushing her too far on the first date. She explained that she was still dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings from her last relationship and just wasn't quite ready to move on that fast yet. Carlson had understood and said that she was worth waiting for. That had touched Nicole and she gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek as she led him back outside the apartment…_

Nicole mentally kicked herself. It had all been so wonderful at the time but now all she could feel was guilt…unbelievable, painful, excruciating guilt. It made no sense. She knew she was single and that she did nothing wrong, but the part of her that loved Mathieu felt betrayed. It felt like she had cheated on him and she hated that.

Just then, the sound of skates and ice spraying onto glass pulled her out of her reverie. She stood up from where she had sunk down on the floor, thinking through her life, and glanced over at the main practice rink. She saw a man skating hard back and forth, then around in circles, then skating suicides. He was skating hard, as if he were angry or pushing himself more than what was considered normal. It only took Nicole a couple minutes to realize who that man was…she recognized that quick, sure stride anywhere…it was Mathieu.

What in the world was he doing here? It was already nine o'clock at night and he had practice the next morning. Why was he skating like this here and now? She frowned as she slowly opened the door that led out to the rink and slipped inside. She half-hid behind the stands and watched him as he skated back and forth, her eyes narrowed in confusion and concern.

…

Mathieu Perreault was furious…hurt…and mentally exhausted. His life had gone from a day to day routine to a sudden chaotic whirlwind and he couldn't handle it anymore. For the past three years it had been easy to put thoughts of Nicole to the back of his mind. She was far away…out of sight out of mind…but now she was here…and his best friend was dating her. Life couldn't get much worse than that.

He grunted as he took off down the ice again, pushing all his anger and frustration out onto the ice, throwing himself from one end of the rink to the other. After a few more minutes of that, he reached over the bench and grabbed his stick and a bucket of pucks. He poured the pucks out onto the ice and corralled them about twenty feet away from the net. One by one he sent them sailing into the net with the hardest slapshots he had ever done in his life. It felt good to hit something…to let all this anger out. Most players drank their pain away or got high or hooked up with random girls…but Mathieu preferred working out. It was a technique that Brooks Laich had taught him and it was considerably more rewarding than getting wasted or getting hooked on drugs.

Perreault started cursing as he hit each puck, cursing Nicole, cursing Carlson, cursing himself, his life, the Hershey Bears, the Washington Capitals, hockey in general and finally his obsession with the sport that had torn them apart in the first place. After awhile his stick stopped smacking the pucks so hard. Gradually his strikes grew less and less powerful and his loud cursing and exclamations became more and more quiet as his anger gave way to grief. He turned suddenly and smashed his stick over the net before he collapsed onto his knees, sobbing.

_This romeo is bleeding  
>But you can't see his blood<br>It's nothing but some feelings  
>That this old dog kicked up<em>

_It's been raining since you left me  
>Now I'm drowning in the flood<br>You see I've always been a fighter  
>But without you I give up<em>

_Now I can't sing a love song  
>Like the way it's meant to be<br>Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore  
>But baby, that's just me<em>

The sight was too much for Nicole. She found herself sobbing along with Mathieu as she saw him go through the range of emotions out there all alone on the ice. What had she done? This was a mistake…she had ruined his life…again. Hearing Mathieu sob was just too much. She ran out of the rink, not caring if the door slammed shut behind her, and made a bee-line for the parking garage.

Perreault whirled around when he heard the door slam and saw a figure running out of the rink. He cursed as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Who was watching him? And why had they run out like that? Only one reasonable explanation came to mind and he found himself uttering out a litany of curses as he skated quickly over to the locker room, ripping off his pads and skates the entire way…

…

It took Nicole forever to dig her keys out of the bottom of her purse. She was having trouble seeing through her tears as she fumbled around, anxious to get out of Kettler as quickly as possible.

"Nicole…"

Nicole froze when she heard her name. She knew instantly who it was…she would know that voice and how he said her name anywhere.

"Mathieu," she breathed as she turned around and saw him standing there, his hair dripping with sweat and his tennis shoes untied and shirt on backwards. He must have seen her when she left and rushed to get out here…but why?

"Why?" he asked quietly, keeping his distance, "What were you doing in there?"

"I…I'm so sorry," said Nicole, trembling in shock that she was actually speaking to Mathieu, "I heard someone skating and…I wanted to see who was still here…I had to close the store and…I'm sorry, I should've left, I shouldn't have stayed."

Perreault looked away as a flurry of emotions overwhelmed him. Just hearing her voice ripped his heart to shreds…and she was standing only a few feet away…he could smell her perfume…the same one she had always worn.

"No…no…its okay," he stammered after a moment, "I'm…sorry you had to see that."

A long, awkward silence passed between them before Perreault spoke again, "So…Carlson," he said, looking away as his eyes grew hard with anger.

"Oh," said Nicole, feeling herself flush with embarrassment, "You heard about that."

"Yeah," muttered Perreault, "Sorta beat the shit out of him during last night's game. Surprised he didn't mention that to you."

Nicole's eyes grew wide with shock, "You what? Why? No I haven't talked to him since before the game."

"Oh," muttered Perreault as he stared at the ground, "Yeah he was bragging about your…your _date_. I don't know, it just pissed me off. He's my best friend…and you're….well…."

Nicole bit her lower lip, "I know…but Mathieu, we aren't together anymore. And…you made it rather clear how you feel about me, remember?" she asked, her eyes moist with emotion as she remembered what he had said to her when she first arrived at Kettler.

Perreault swallowed and avoided eye contact with her as he replied, "Yeah…yeah I know…I just…I don't know. It just bothered me."

Just then, Nicole's phone rang. She glanced down at the caller ID and froze when she saw it was Carlson. God that boy had the worst timing!

"It's him isn't it?" asked Perreault, his voice low, taking on an almost dangerous note.

Nicole nodded, not looking up as she stared at her phone, "Yeah…yeah it's John."

Perreault pursed his lips and shook his head, sneering in disbelief, "Wow…yeah. Okay…well…go do what you gotta do," he said as he turned to leave.

"Mathieu…" said Nicole as she took a step after him.

"No," said Perreault as he held up his hands to stop her, "Go…he's a good guy. You deserve someone like that. He's an ass sometimes but he's a good guy. Just…go, just go, okay?"

_Now your pictures that you left behind  
>Are just memories of a different life<br>Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry  
>One that made you have to say goodbye<br>What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair  
>To touch your lips, to hold you near<br>When you say your prayers try to understand  
>I've made mistakes, I'm just a man<em>

_When he holds you close, when he pulls you near  
>When he says the words you've been needing to hear<br>I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine  
>To say to you till the end of time.<em>

Mathieu didn't give Nicole anymore time to protest. He turned and jogged off toward his car at the other end of the parking garage, leaving Nicole alone, holding her ringing cell phone in her hand, suddenly torn about what to do. After a moment she took in a shaky breath and answered the phone.

"Hey, John…?"

…

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	8. Moving On

John Carlson knew something was up when he picked Nicole up from her apartment later that night. She looked beautiful as always, but there was a sadness in her eyes that made him frown in concern.

"You sure you want to go out?" he asked as he led her to his jeep, "It's pretty late…I mean if you need to rest or…"

"No, I need to go out," assured Nicole, forcing a smile, "It's…been a long day."

John frowned at that as he opened the door for her and helped her get in the jeep. He mentally cursed his best friend…this had to have something to do with _him_. He probably said something to her again. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone?

"Wanna hit the bar?" asked John as he climbed into the jeep.

Nicole gave him a grateful smile. Clearly John understood why she needed to get out on the town tonight, "That would be wonderful," she said with a relieved sigh, "Not gonna lie…I could use a few drinks right about now."

John smirked at that as he pulled away from the curb and headed into downtown D.C…

…

_Two Weeks Later…_

Nicole smiled as John Carlson sauntered coolly into the Kettler Iceplex gift shop before practice that Saturday morning. John smiled back, noting the happy twinkle in her eyes and the lightness of her step as she practically skipped over to him. He held her in his arms for a long moment before he bent down and kissed her.

They had been officially dating now for two weeks…ever since that night he took her to the bar and they'd spent the night together at his place. Something had changed for both of them that night. Carlson had given up on his single, wild ways and she had decided to let go of Perreault. It literally all changed for both of them overnight.

"You better get going," said Nicole as she pulled away from John, "Boudreau is gonna get mad at both of us again if you're late."

John smirked, "Yeah but it's worth it," he said as he kissed her again.

"Dude, John get a move on, man," said Mike Green as he poked his head into the store, "Come on…Mathieu's walking in the door now too, let's not make this anymore awkward than it already is, alright?"

Carlson flinched a little at what Mike said and pulled away from Nicole. They glanced at each other, guilt in both of their eyes as Perreault rounded the corner and glanced into the store. His eyes briefly scanned them both before he looked away, pain evident in his gaze as he quickly headed for the locker room. Brooks Laich walked into the building right after Perreault and frowned as he watched Perreault's reaction. He and Mike exchanged frustrated looks for a moment before Brooks nodded toward the locker room.

"Let's go…both of you," he ordered, his jaw tense with frustration.

Nicole bit her lower lip and crossed her arms awkwardly as Carlson patted her arm lightly before he turned to follow Mike out of the store. Ever since they had announced their relationship the rest of the team hadn't taken the news well. Everything was incredibly awkward, especially in the locker room. The tension was palpable as if everyone was waiting for something or someone to explode.

Perreault was throwing his gear into his locker and slammed it shut as the rest of the team filed into the locker room. He angrily and quickly put on his pads and began to lace up his skates as quickly as he could.

"Should we do something?" asked Mike, frowning in concern as he watched Perreault, "The kid's not handling this well."

Brooks shook his head, "No he's gotta deal with this one on his own, Mike. There's not much we can do."

"We can kill Carlson," grumbled Mike as he glanced angrily over at the cocky defenseman.

Brooks rolled his eyes at that and gave Mike a warning look, "Leave it alone, Mike. It's none of our business."

"Just saying…all it would take is one good boarding and he'd at least have a broken leg or…"

"Mike," growled Brooks, glaring daggers at his best friend.

Mike sighed in annoyance as he put on his pads, "Fine, whatever. Let Perreault be miserable, let Carlson get away with stealing the girl, let the team be all tense and pissed off, that's fine."

"You're such a pain in the ass," grumbled Brooks as he playfully shoved his friend's shoulder.

Mike narrowed his eyes at Brooks and shoved him back and the two friends got into a mock fight. John Erskine and Jason Chimera began cheering them on and encouraging the fake brawl while the rest of the team laughed as they took to the ice.

"Well least we got rid of some of the tension," laughed Mike as he tried to fix his fo-hawk in the mirror.

"Mike, you're about to put your helmet on and sweat," said Brooks with a disbelieving look on his face, "Stop messing with your greasy hair."

Mike gave Brooks a withering glare, "Excuse you, it is not greasy and the fo-hawk is my good luck charm, so shut up buzz-cut."

The two friends began to tussle again just as Coach Boudreau entered the locker room. They stopped abruptly and made a mad dash to get out on the ice. Perreault was already skating suicides, working out his frustration and anger, while the rest of the team began to stretch out their muscles and work on some passing drills.

Carlson hit the ice shortly after Mike and Brooks and watched Perreault skate for a moment. He frowned as he watched his old best friend. He was clearly upset and Carlson knew it was his fault. As annoyed as he was by Perreault's hot and cold attitude toward his ex, and now Carlson's current, girlfriend, he hated seeing him like this. After a moment's hesitation, he skated over and stopped right where Perreault was about to make another round of suicides.

Perreault froze for a moment and slid slowly over to Carlson. He glared at him coldly and sneered, "What do you want?"

"Mathieu," said Carlson, his eyes and voice pleading, "Come on, man…"

"Don't," interrupted Perreault, "Just don't."

"She told me you said it was fine!" argued Carlson, getting angry, "She told me that you told her to go on and be with me! So what the hell is this about? I'm sick of this shit, Mathieu! I'm sick of the tension, of avoiding you, of feeling awful because I'm with her, of us hating each other, I'm sick of it! What the hell do you want me to do? What?"

"Oh no," muttered Mike Green as he skated over to Brooks and Nicklas Backstrom, "Not again."

"I swear if they start throwing punches," said Brooks, his jaw tense with anger again, "I'm gonna knock them both out."

Nicklas just frowned at the scene and nervously watched the two young players square off. Ovechkin started cursing in Russian to Alex Semin about the situation while the rest of the team tried to pretend nothing was going on. Mike Knuble led another round of five on four drills, trying to distract the rest of the team from the fight on the other side of the rink.

"Just…leave me alone, John!" said Perreault, his voice a little shaky, "Just go away, alright?"

"What? No!" shouted Carlson angrily, "No I'm not! You're my best friend you asshole! What the hell? Talk to me Mathieu! What is it? What can I do to make this better?"

"Nothing," muttered Perreault dejectedly, "No one can, alright? I just…I need to be left alone for awhile."

Carlson looked taken aback by Perreault's sudden change in demeanor. He went from being defensive and angry to hurt and devastated in a matter of seconds. His best friend was in a lot of pain and he didn't even know it. That made Carlson sick to his stomach.

"Mathieu," said Carlson quietly, "I'm…I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"No, just…no," said Perreault as he skated away, "Just leave it alone, John."

Carlson watched his best friend skate off, his heart aching from the pain he now knew his best friend was going through.

"Okay, kid let's go," said Mike Knuble as he patted Carlson's shoulder, "Let him be…come on, you're up for the next drill."

Carlson gave Knuble a lost, upset, and hurt look, but nodded slowly, "Yeah…yeah, okay."

Knuble patted Carlson on the back, frowning in sympathy as he led the young defenseman over to where the rest of the team was waiting to finish up the morning skate…

…

"He was really upset," said Carlson quietly as he sat across the table from Nicole at Starbucks.

Nicole closed her eyes for a moment as a wave of emotion overwhelmed her. She had pushed all her feelings for Perreault away the past couple weeks as she grew closer and closer to Carlson and now here she was, feeling that awful pain all over again. But what else was she supposed to do? Perreault had made his decision and didn't seem to have any intentions of changing his mind, so she had chosen to move on. What more did the man want from her?

"I don't know what else to do," said Nicole with a sad sigh, "I just…he made his choice, John…and I made mine. It's over and he…he just has to accept it."

"Have you accepted it?" asked Carlson suddenly, his eyes boring into hers, a note of sadness and self-consciousness in his eyes. He had known since they started dating that she was still in love with Perreault. It was so obvious…the way she looked at him, the way her eyes took on that sad note whenever he was near…the way she would stare off in the distance…he knew she was thinking of him and it was something that had always bothered Carlson.

His question caught her off guard and he noted the flicker of unease and surprise in her eyes. Her hesitation was more than enough to tell him what he needed to know.

"You do," he said with a sigh, "I figured."

"I'm sorry," murmured Nicole as a tear slipped down her cheek, "Part of me will always love Mathieu…he was my first and only love, but John…I have to move on. And you're a big part of helping me do just that."

John smiled a little at that and nodded slightly, "Yeah…I know."

"Okay," said Nicole standing up and taking a deep breath, "Enough of this…let's go. You gotta get ready for the game tonight."

Carlson nodded as he stood up and reached out for Nicole, taking her in his arms and holding her close. He breathed in her scent as he stood there holding her, secretly wishing that she was capable of loving him as much as she loved Perreault…

…

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	9. So Much It Hurts

Mathieu Perreault's head was not in the game…not even close. He had already made two awful turnovers and passed the puck to the wrong player once. Coach Boudreau had screamed at him and even benched him for half of the first period after the last bad turnover. His teammates frowned at him as he took to the ice again in the second period. He could read the concern, worry and agitation in all of their faces. He shook his head, trying to clear it as he took his position at the faceoff dot. For the first time that night he won the faceoff and slid the puck back to Jason Chimera.

The Capitals took off down the ice, charging hard toward the Tampa Bay Lightning net minder. Chimera flipped the puck over to John Carlson who sent a quick little pass back to center ice where Perreault was waiting.

Meanwhile, in the stands, Nicole Frey was watching the action on the ice with excitement. Her heart raced as she watched Carlson send the puck to Mathieu. Both her men were on the ice at the same time, on the same line, making the same play. It was enough to make her want to just break down and cry. How had her life gotten so confusing and messy so quickly? But Nicole didn't have any more time to contemplate her life…because what she saw happen next turned her blood to ice. She screamed and then everything around her faded to black.

Mathieu had raised his stick into the air, ready to send a slapper right into the Lightning net, when Pavel Kubina, the largest player on Tampa's team, slammed into him full force. Perreault felt his body fly through the air and land hard on the ice…and then everything around him began to fade away…

John Carlson screamed in panic when he saw his friend fall limply to the ice. He whirled on Kubina, snarling with an animalistic rage as he charged the much-larger defenseman, fists whirling with rage as he struck the Lightning player. Chimera and Alzner leapt into the fray, eager to punish the defenseman for his illegal, dirty hit on Perreault. The referees stepped in quickly and split up the feuding players, separating them from one another in a desperate attempt to keep the fighting to a minimum.

Carlson broke away from the fray and slid down onto the ice next to Perreault, who had yet to move at all after hitting the ice. Smitty, the team's medic, was already on the ice, looking Perreault over and trying to get him to respond.

"He's not conscious," said Smitty as he barked orders to one of the referees, "I need a stretcher out here and an ambulance outside now!"

Carlson started shaking with fear as he stared down at his best friend's limp form, "Oh, Mathieu…oh god no…"

A stretcher was carried out onto the ice and several staff members of the Capitals lifted Perreault onto it and carried him back off the ice quickly. Carlson looked on, his heart aching as he felt tears spring to his eyes. Perreault was badly hurt…and the last time they had talked had been their argument that morning at practice. Carlson felt sick. He made a bee-line for the bench and pushed passed his confused and scared looking teammates and ran back into the locker room. He bent over one of the toilets and began to retch, feeling an unbelievable stab of guilt in his gut as he thought about Perreault on the stretcher, heading to the hospital…

…

Carlson ripped his pads off at the end of the game and threw all his gear down onto the floor. He ran out of the locker room, not bothering to wait for Coach or to tell any of his teammates what was going on. He needed to find Nicole and they needed to get to the hospital right away.

Nicole was waiting outside the locker room, tears pouring down her face as Carlson came out. He wrapped her in his arms and squeezed her tight, "It's okay, baby, I know…come on we're gonna go see him now."

Nicole nodded, unable to speak, as she let Carlson lead her toward the parking garage. They climbed into Carlson's jeep and peeled out of the garage, heading for the D.C. hospital at a break-neck speed…

…

Mathieu Perreault blinked open his eyes and found himself staring into a bright light. He grimaced and tried to turn his head to look away but realized his neck was being held by something. He reached up to touch it and felt a bunch of wires and IV's attached to his arms. He frowned at those as he investigated the neck brace and the oxygen mask on his face. His head was pounding in pain and his neck was throbbing. The entire right side of his body felt like a giant bruise as he moved slightly, testing it out to assess how bad the damage was. The last thing he remembered was that towering defenseman slamming into him, and then his world went black. He cursed the Tampa Bay defenseman silently to himself. What a dirty hit…and now here he was…in a hospital…hooked up to god-knows-what. Great.

Just then, the door burst open and two people ran into the room. Perreault strained his sore neck to see who it was and blinked in surprise when he saw John and Nicole. He laid his head back down on the pillow and sighed…great…just what he needed right now…his ex and his old best friend. This night just kept getting better and better.

"Mathieu!" said Carlson breathlessly as he rushed to the side of the bed, "Dude, you scared the shit outta me! Are you okay? What'd the doctors say?"

Mathieu gave his friend a cold look, "I'm fine…don't know…haven't talked to them yet."

Carlson frowned at that, "Look, I know you hate me, but I still care about you. You're my best friend whether you like it or not. I'm gonna go get a doctor, alright?"

Perreault nodded, not making eye-contact as Carlson turned to leave. John leaned in close to Nicole and whispered, "Talk to him."

Nicole gave Carlson a nervous look as John nodded toward Perreault's bed. Nicole sighed slightly and walked over to the bed while Carlson left to go find the doctor.

"Hey," she said quietly, "I…I saw what happened. God, you scared me to death, Mathieu. I thought…I thought…"

"That I was dead?" finished Perreault, glancing up at her briefly, "That woulda solved a lot of problems wouldn't it?"

"Don't say that!" hissed Nicole, her eyes wide with disbelief, "God, Mathieu…don't…don't ever say that again. It would've made things so much worse, so please, just…don't be like that."

Perreault sighed and closed his eyes, "Sorry…glad you and John are doing well."

"Can we not talk about that right now?" asked Nicole, her voice taking on a note of annoyance, "Let's worry about making you better first, okay?"

Perreault shrugged slightly, "I'm just glad you're happy."

Nicole bit her lip when she saw the sadness in Perreault's eyes, "But…you're not…are you?"

Perreault glanced away quickly, wishing he could walk away from this conversation. That's how he had always dealt with things like this…he just walked away from it…just like he had walked away from Nicole years ago.

"I'll be fine," he murmured, "Don't worry about me."

"How can I not?" argued Nicole, her voice cracking with emotion, "Mattie…part of me will always love you…and I will always care and worry about you."

Perreault felt his heart ache at those words, "I…I don't think I could ever…love anyone the way I loved you."

Nicole felt her heart skip a beat at that, "Me…me either," she admitted, her heart breaking in two for what had to be the millionth time since she had met Mathieu.

"Then what the hell are you doing with _him_?" argued Perreault, forcing himself to look into her heart-stopping eyes.

"I…I'm trying to move on."

"And how's that going for you?"

"Not…not good," said Nicole, instantly feeling awful for admitting her true feelings. She wiped the tears from her face and looked away for a moment, "But…you made your decision. You said you were done with me and you didn't want me around anymore. So…I have to try to move on…I have to at least try, right?"

Perreault gazed at her for a long moment, "I…I don't know."

Nicole gave Mathieu a confused look, "What do you mean? What does that mean?"

Perreault opened his mouth to reply, but just then the door opened and Carlson returned with a doctor in tow. He gave Nicole the saddest look Nicole had ever seen in her life as they approached. Nicole felt her breath catch in her throat at the devastation in Perreault's eyes, but forced herself to appear relatively normal in front of Carlson and the doctor.

"Mr. Perreault?" asked the doctor as he walked over to Mathieu's bed, "It's good to see you're awake. You have suffered a concussion and you have severe whiplash. The right side of your body is pretty banged up from the hit that you sustained but all in all you will be just fine. A few weeks of rest and relaxation and you'll be ready to take to the ice again. I want you to stay overnight for observation and then you can go home after that."

Perreault nodded, "Yeah…yeah okay," he said, glancing over to where Carlson was standing with an arm around Nicole. That sight alone infuriated and upset him so much he knew if he wasn't restrained to this stupid bed he would get up and pull her out of his arms.

"Alright, well I'll have to ask your two friends to leave with me now because you need some rest," said the doctor with a smile.

Carlson and Nicole nodded as they followed the doctor out of the room.

"I'll check on you tomorrow, Mathieu," promised Carlson as he waved at his old best friend.

Mathieu just nodded curtly at that while Nicole gave him a long, sad, confused look before she disappeared out the door with Carlson…her new boyfriend…and his best friend. How the hell did his life get this screwed up? He mentally kicked himself for not just telling her how he felt…but what good would that have done? She was in love with Carlson right? Although she had admitted that she would never love anyone like she loved him…she was forcing herself to move on. And this was what he had asked for…he told her to go to Carlson…and she'd listened. God he hated himself so much in that moment. The realization that he wanted her more than life itself made him want to just scream and cry as loud as he could. How could he have been so stupid to let her go? And how in the hell was he going to ever get her back…?

_Tell me have you ever wanted  
>Someone so much it hurts?<br>Your lips keep trying to speak  
>But you just can't find the words<br>Well I had this dream once;  
>I held it in my hands<em>

_She was the purest beauty  
>But not the common kind<br>She had a way about her  
>That made you feel alive<br>And for a moment  
>We made the world stand still<em>

_Yeah, we owned the night…_

…

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	10. The Truth Comes Out

**A shorter update but I'm gonna start working on the next one right after this : ) Enjoy!**

John Carlson paced anxiously outside of Mathieu Perreault's hospital room, waiting for the doctor to clear him so he could go home. John paused when he heard voices near the door. It opened slowly and the doctor led Mathieu out of the room. He froze when he saw Carlson standing there, hands in his pockets, dark circles under his eyes, and a nervous look on his face.

"I, um…I thought I'd drive you home…so you don't have to grab a cab," said John, shifting his feet anxiously on the ground while he avoided eye contact with Mathieu.

Mathieu shook his head slowly in disbelief, "Uh…okay…yeah…thanks."

"That's what friends do," muttered Carlson as he turned and led Perreault out of the hospital.

Perreault had a sharp comeback for that but refrained. Now wasn't the time to bite Carlson's head off. He was too tired and his head and neck were killing him. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep. At least then his physical and emotional pain went away for a few hours…that was better than no relief at all.

"How's Nicole?" asked Perreault after a long awkward silence passed between the two old friends.

Carlson's jaw visibly clenched as he drove down the street, "Um, she's been better. She's…she's been quiet since you two talked yesterday."

Perreault glanced out the window, his heart clenching a little as he thought about Nicole and the way she had looked in the hospital when she admitted her true feelings for him.

"So," prompted Carlson after a long moment, "What'd you two talk about?"

"Why don't you ask your girlfriend?" snapped Perreault, suddenly irritated with John.

John sneered at that and bit back a sharp retort, "I did and she doesn't want to talk about it."

"Well maybe I don't either."

"Come on, Mathieu," said Carlson, rolling his eyes in exasperation, "Don't screw with me…we were best friends once, remember? What'd you two talk about?"

Perreault was quiet for a long moment before he replied, "The past…and what could and should have been."

Carlson gritted his teeth and his eyes grew hard as he glanced sharply at Perreault, "Oh yeah? Look, Mathieu, if you're screwing with her heart again I swear to God I'm gonna…"

"Save it, John," snapped Perreault, narrowing his eyes angrily at Carlson, "I'm not…alright? I'm not."

"Then why are you bringing up the past and forcing her to think about all the shit you two went you're trying to do? Now that you've lost her you want her back right? That's what this is. I knew it…I saw that in your eyes on the ice at practice that day. You love her…and you want her back."

Perreault didn't object to Carlson's accusations. He had hit the nail on the head and they both knew it…there was no denying the truth.

"Don't," growled Carlson, his eyes flashing with fury and fear as he realized that Perreault may try to get Nicole back, "Just don't okay? For the first time in a long time I'm happy…and you know what? I think Nicole could learn to be happy with me too."

"Could she?" challenged Perreault, a flash of anger in his eyes, "You sure about that? Because she told me that she could never love someone the way she loved and _still _loves me!"

Carlson slammed on the brakes right outside of Perreault's apartment complex, his face ashen and his jaw clenched tightly with anger and pain.

"Get…out…of…my…car," he seethed, unable to look Perreault in the eyes.

"John…I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that," said Perreault, instantly feeling guilty, "It's just…I do love her. I can't…I can't help it. I just…I screwed up okay? Big time…like more than I ever have before in my life. I chose this damn sport over the only woman who had ever meant anything to me. I've been so messed up since we split up…and when she came back I freaked out, okay? I was pissed and I was hurt…and I didn't want to be around her because it was killing me. And now…now I'm realizing why it's killing me…it's not because I'm still angry…it's because I still love her and…and I want her."

John shook his head in disbelief, wiping a stray tear away from his eye quickly as he looked out the window and watched as it started to rain, "Yeah…yeah you screwed up. She's…amazing…and she's still in love with you, I know that. I just…I wish…"

"You wish it was you," said Perreault quietly as he looked down at his hands, "I'm so sorry, John…I really am. I screwed you both over…majorly."

John shook his head, "No, it's whatever. Shoulda known it was too good to be true, right?" he asked, forcing a sad smile, "It's fine, Mathieu…go get some rest. We can deal with this later. It's Nicole's choice after all, right?"

Perreault nodded sadly, mentally kicking himself for putting his best friend and Nicole through all of this, "Yeah…yeah I guess so," he said quietly as he stood up and climbed out of Carlson's jeep and headed quickly into the apartment complex, trying to get out of the rain as it poured down from the sky. He turned around and frowned as he watched John peel away from the curb and speed down the street in the direction of Nicole's apartment complex…

…

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	11. The Mess I Made

Nicole washed her face in the sink and glanced up in the mirror. She groaned when she saw the dark circles under her eyes. She had stayed up all night with John, waiting for news from the doctors, crying, talking, and trying to figure out where the hell her life was going. Everything was so messed up…and Mathieu told her he loved her. What the hell? Where did that leave her? Did he want to get back together or did he want her to move on and stay with John? What was going through his thick, annoying, yet unbelievably handsome head? It was driving her insane.

Just then the doorbell rang and Nicole ran toward the door. She knew it was John…he had told her he'd come by after he dropped Mathieu off at his apartment and let her know how he was doing. She flung open the door and was startled by John's appearance. He was soaking wet from the rain, his eyes had dark circles much like her own, his face was pale and his eyes bloodshot as if he'd been crying.

"John?" asked Nicole in surprise and concern, "Oh my god what's wrong? Is Mathieu…?"

"Mathieu's fine," said John curtly as he slipped past Nicole and stepped into the apartment.

Nicole frowned at Carlson as he took of his jacket and hung it up next to the door, "What's going on? Why are you acting like this?"

"He told me what you said to him at the hospital," said John quietly, avoiding looking into Nicole's eyes as much as he could.

Now it was Nicole's turn to go pale. She froze in mid-stride and stared at John in surprise, "Oh…oh he did? Why…why would he do that? What the hell Mathieu?" she hissed, mentally cursing Perreault.

"Because I told him to stop messing with your heart," said Carlson quietly, "He got defensive and angry and confessed that he loves you and you said you love him too…is that true? Is that really how you feel, Nicole?"

"John, I…"

"No," interrupted Carlson as he took a step back from her, "Don't do that…tell me the truth. Do you love Mathieu Perreault?"

Nicole hesitated before she looked away, tears slipping down her cheeks as she nodded, "Yes…yes I love Mathieu."

Carlson sighed and bit his lower lip as his heart sunk in his chest at her admission, "Okay…so…what are you doing with me? Am I just some sort of backup or something? Are you just using me till you get Mathieu back? Am I here just to make him jealous? Is that it?"

"John, god, no!" said Nicole through her tears, "He told me he wanted nothing to do with me…he told me to leave him alone and then he ignored me and glared at me whenever I was around so I gave up. I had to move on and you're an amazing guy and I thought I could move on with you…and be happy again. I never, ever wanted to hurt you, John…I'm so sorry."

John ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes tightly for a moment, fighting the wave of anger, pain and nausea that overwhelmed him.

"So…we're over then right?" he asked after a moment, "I go back to being single and you go back to him?"

Nicole shook her head, "I…I don't think it's going to be that simple. Mathieu's…he's a very different kind of guy. He knows what he wants but he never really knows how to get it. I don't think he'll even try to pursue me."

John sneered at that, "Please…after what he said in the car…trust me, he wants you and he'll do what it takes to get you back…you…you should go see him. I'll, um, I'll grab my things and be out of your way by the time you get back."

"John…" said Nicole, feeling awful for the pain she was causing the young defenseman.

"No, don't," said John, holding up a hand to stop her, "Just go to him, okay? He's my best friend and he loves you…you two should be together. I'll be fine…I promise."

Nicole reached out and gave John a quick hug before she turned and ran out of the apartment, tears streaming down her cheeks as she fumbled for her keys…

…

Mathieu Perreault was pissed off, hurt, betrayed and felt sick to his stomach. This whole thing was ridiculous. How the hell could he have been this stupid? He had just hurt his best friend and he'd been hurting Nicole for years now. He hated himself for being such an idiot. He'd created this huge mess and he just didn't see a way back out of it.

_Should've kissed you there  
>I should've held your face<br>I should've watched those eyes  
>Instead of run in place<br>I should've called you out  
>I should've said your name<br>I should've turned around  
>I should've looked again<em>

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
>I 'm staring at the mess I made<br>I 'm staring at the mess I made  
>As you turn, you take your heart and walk away<em>

_Should've held my ground  
>I could've been redeemed<br>For every second chance  
>That changed its mind on me<br>I should've spoken up  
>I should've proudly claimed<br>That oh my head's to blame  
>For all my heart's mistakes<em>

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
>I 'm staring at the mess I made<br>I 'm staring at the mess I made  
>As you turn, you take your heart and walk away<em>

_And it's you, and it's you  
>And it's you, and it's you<br>And it's falling down, as you walk away  
>And it's on me now, as you go<em>

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
>I 'm staring at the mess I made<br>I 'm staring at the mess I made  
>As you turn, you take your heart and walk away<em>

He swore to himself if he ever was lucky enough to have her back in his life he'd be the best boyfriend she'd ever had…he'd treat her like she had always deserved to be treated. He sighed and shook his head as he lay down on his bed. Like he'd be able to get her back again…yeah right. Carlson had her and he'd been treating her better than he ever had. He was fooling himself to think that Nicole would just come banging on his door, begging to be with him again. That was nothing more than a stupid fantasy.

Just then, there was a loud bang on his door. He stood up slowly, wincing in pain as he rubbed his sore neck and headed toward the door. The banging continued, loud and urgent as he slowly made his way over.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," he grumbled irritably.

The second that Mathieu opened the door he froze in shock. Nicole was standing outside in the pouring rain, her long dark hair dripping wet, mixing with the tears in her eyes as she stood panting like she had just run a mile.

"Mathieu," she breathed, "I love you…and I want to be with you…can we please stop all of this and just…just start over again? I don't want to be with anyone but you ever again…Mathieu, please…"

Perreault reached out and pulled Nicole into the apartment, wrapping his arms around her soaking wet form as he bent down and kissed her, trying to convey the depth of his emotions in one, single moment. Nicole felt herself melt under his touch as she kissed him back, relishing in the feeling of being in his arms again.

"God I love you so much, Nicole," breathed Perreault as he pulled away from her slightly, "More than you'll ever know."

"Prove it," challenged Nicole, her eyes dancing with a happiness that Perreault hadn't seen in years, making his heart skip a beat.

He gave her a mischievous grin, one that Nicole was all-too-familiar with as he pulled her into his room and shut the door behind them…

…

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	12. Epilogue: Remind Me

**Epilogue**

_Two Months Later…_

Mathieu Perreault practically skipped into the locker room early that morning, a huge grin plastered all over his face. John Carlson followed closely behind, rolling his eyes in exasperation but unable to hide the smirk of amusement on his face as he watched his best friend's antics.

"Oh no, what now?" asked Mike as he glanced over at Brooks, "I don't know if I'm more worried about them when they're getting along or when they're fighting."

Brooks laughed, "I don't know it's kinda nice for the locker room to not feel like a ticking time bomb for once. It's a nice change…but yeah those two together…they practically ask for trouble."

Perreault and Carlson got into a little huddle with Alex Semin and Alex Ovechkin and began murmuring and giggling quietly to one another.

"Okay…now you can be worried," said Brooks, raising an eyebrow as he studied the little suspicious huddle.

"Shit," muttered Mike, "Dude they're gonna get someone…I can see it in their faces…they're gonna peg one of us!"

"Shut up!" hissed Brooks, "Stop talking so loud you idiot…they're gonna hear us. Hurry up, get your gear on and lace up your skates, we'll hit the ice before they can get their stuff together."

"Good idea!" said Mike, his eyes wide with apprehension as he glanced back over at the group.

"Okay, you gotta be careful though," warned Ovechkin, "Mike and Brooks are smart…well Brooks is…he'll see you coming. Careful…quiet and don't look, how you say…?"

"Suspicious?" prompted Carlson with a mischievous grin, "Don't worry we got this."

"Oh yeah you're the master of stealth," sneered Perreault playfully, "Wipe that stupid arrogant look off your face you moron, you scream sketch!"

"Oh and what about you?" laughed Carlson, "Your stupid little soup in the shoe prank at the dinner before the Winter Classic was an epic fail…they saw you coming from a mile away!"

"You better hurry," said Semin quietly in broken English, "They gonna get on ice soon…look…Brooks pads on already."

"Oh, shit, come on Mathieu," said Carlson as he finished spraying shaving cream into his towel, "Let's go, hurry, their backs are to us."

Perreault and Carlson began to creep around the locker room, their hoods pulled up over their heads as they slunk in and out between their teammates who all chuckled and sneered as they made their way over to Brooks and Mike.

The two Canadian best friends were too busy lacing up their skates to notice the pranksters as they slunk up behind them. Brooks turned around just in time to see a towel full of shaving cream smash into his face. Mike Green cried out in surprise and pain as shaving cream seeped into his eyes and nose. They both pulled the towels off of their faces and began scooping the shaving cream off of their faces.

The rest of the team howled with laughter at the sight and high-fived Perreault and Carlson for their successful prank. Carlson and Perreault laughed hysterically as they quickly grabbed their gear and raced out of the locker room, eager to be out of the reach of Brooks and Mike once they finished wiping the cream from their faces.

…

After practice, Perreault and Carlson headed toward their lockers that stood next to one another and began stripping off their pads. They laughed as they recapped their prank earlier that morning, but as Perreault began to put on his shoes, he cried out in surprise. They were filled with a mixture of shaving cream, tooth paste and icy-hot gel. Carlson quickly reached for his sneakers and cursed when he realized his shoes were filled with the same concoction.

Brooks and Mike leaned up against their lockers with arrogant smirks on their faces as they watched the two pranksters discover the little surprise they'd left for them.

"You know what they say about revenge!" said Mike with a huge grin plastered on his face.

Brooks just laughed, "Don't prank a prankster boys…you'll always lose in the end!"

Perreault and Carlson both looked at each other, giving one another a knowing look before they bent down and scooped the mixture out of their shoes and began flinging it at Brooks and Mike. Some of the mixture hit Knuble, Neuvirth, Erskine and Chimera and before they knew it, the entire locker room exploded in a shaving cream, toothpaste, icy hot gel and cologne fight.

"What the hell?" shouted Coach Boudreau as he entered the messy locker room.

All the players froze when they saw Boudreau's face. After a long, scary, silent moment, Boudreau burst into a fit of laughter. The sight of all his star players covered in all sorts of unknown substances was just too much.

"Alright you morons," laughed Boudreau, "No one leaves until this place is completely clean, got it?"

The players all laughed and agreed to Boudreau's terms as they began to clean up the mess. After all the tension and awkward moments that had happened in recent days, it was nice to have a moment of chaos and laughter. The team was back together and ready to finish off the season…together…

…

Mathieu Perreault and John Carlson slipped into the gift shop after they finished cleaning the locker room. Nicole looked up from the register and smiled when she saw them.

"Hey guys! You ready to go?"

"Yep, just gotta go pick up Ashley," said Carlson with a smile on his face. A couple weeks after everything went down between him, Nicole and Perreault, Carlson had met a beautiful blonde girl in Georgetown and the two had hit it off immediately. Perreault and Nicole were overjoyed to see Carlson happy again and now they were about to go on their first double date together.

"Sounds good!" said Nicole as she closed the register and grabbed her keys, "Let's get outta here!"

Perreault smiled as he wrapped an arm around Nicole and led her outside. He'd never again take for granted the ability to hold her like this. He knew all too well what it was like to not have her by his side and he never wanted to feel like that again. The change in Nicole and Mathieu's demeanor was evident to everyone around them. They were meant to be together…they always had been. Things were finally the way they were supposed to be…

…

Mathieu Perreault fidgeted nervously as they sat down at a table at a fancy restaurant in downtown D.C. John Carlson kicked him under the table and gave him a pleading look, silently begging his friend to take a deep breath and relax. Perreault swallowed anxiously and tried to force himself to stay still. They had all gone downtown that afternoon and taken in the sights of the Mall of D.C. It had been a beautiful afternoon full of laughter, tons of pictures and even more memories, but now Perreault was a nervous wreck. He felt like throwing up.

John rolled his eyes at Mathieu as he kicked him again under the table. Carlson's girlfriend, Ashley, smiled in amusement at Mathieu's antics and glanced over at Nicole. Luckily she was oblivious to the silent argument going on across the table. Carlson kicked Mathieu for a third time and Mathieu elbowed him in the ribs before he stood up. Carlson muttered something about his best friend being a pansy as Perreault walked across to Nicole and Ashley's side of the table.

Nicole gave Perreault a confused look, but her eyes opened wide with shock as he knelt down on one knee and pulled a small, delicate box out of his pocket. He opened it with trembling hands and revealed a beautiful, elegant diamond ring.

"There is no other woman in the world I could ever see myself with other than you," he said, his voice shaking with emotion and nerves, "I love you more than life…more than hockey," he added with a slight smile, "More than anything…and…I was wondering…if you would do me the unbelievable honor of being my wife?"

Nicole could barely speak through her tears. She nodded vigorously and managed to squeak out a yes, making Carlson and Ashley laugh as Perreault leapt up off the ground and wrapped Nicole in his arms, holding her tightly against him. His life was now finally complete…the whole that had been in his heart ever since he left Nicole was now full again. For the first time in a long time, Mathieu Perreault was happy again…

_We didn't care if people stared  
>We'd make out in a crowd somewhere<br>Somebody'd tell us to get a room  
>It's hard to believe that was me and you<br>Now we keep saying that we're OK  
>But I don't want to settle for good not great<br>I miss the way that it felt back then I wanna feel that way again_

_[Brad]__ Been so long that you'd forget the way I used to kiss your neck  
><em>_[Carrie]__ Remind me, remind me  
><em>_[Brad]__ So on fire so in love. Way back when we couldn't get enough  
><em>_[Carrie]__ Remind me, remind me_

_[Carrie]__  
>Remember the airport dropping me off<br>We were kissing goodbye and we couldn't stop  
><em>_[Brad]__ I felt bad cause you missed your flight  
><em>_[Carrie and Brad]__ But that meant we had one more night_

_[Carrie]__  
>Do you remember how it used to be<br>We'd turn out the lights and we didn't just sleep  
><em>_[Brad]__ Remind me, baby, remind me  
><em>_[Carrie]__  
>Oh, so on fire so in love<br>That look in your eyes that I miss so much  
><em>_[Brad]__ Remind me, baby, remind me_

_[Brad]__ I wanna feel that way  
><em>_[Carrie]__ Yeah, I wanna hold you close  
><em>_[Brad and Carrie]__  
>Oh, if you still love me<br>Don't just assume I know_

_[Carrie]__ Baby, remind me, remind me_

_[Carrie]__ Do you remember the way it felt?  
><em>_[Brad]__ You mean back when we couldn't control ourselves  
><em>_[Carrie]__ Remind me  
><em>_[Brad]__ Yeah, remind me  
><em>_[Carrie]__  
>All those things that you used to do<br>That made me fall in love with you  
>Remind me, oh, baby, remind me<em>

_[Brad]__  
>Yeah, you'd wake up in my old t-shirt<br>All those mornings I was late for work  
>Remind me<em>

_[Brad and Carrie]__ Oh, baby, remind me_

_[Carrie]__ Oh, baby, remind me, baby, remind me  
><em>_[Brad]__ Yeah, you'd wake up in my old t-shirt  
><em>_[Carrie]__ Oh, yeah, remind me  
><em>_[Brad]__ Baby, remind me_

…

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THE END

Note: I will be writing another story centering on John Carlson here soon…it will be called Love the Way You Lie! : )


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